Bill Blog

11:04 am- Waiting in line outside Gosman with my laptop. Some creepy looking guys are handing out some sort of newspaper, apparently all about dick jokes...oh, that's The Blowfish.

11:15 am- The line is moving now!

11:37 am- Got past security... they didn't seem to notice my laptop, but took away one of my two granola bars. I guess when they say you're only allowed one granola bar, they really mean it.

12:45 pm- Listened to the same music on loop for an hour while reading the single book (Lolita) permitted to me by the Secret Service. Apparently, two books combined are, together, considered a deadly weapon, and I certainly don't want to get tased by security. Again.

1:13 pm- Blowfish editor Samuel Q. Roos attempts to start a wave.

1:14 pm- Blowfish editor Samuel Q. Roos's attempt to start a wave fails.

1:18 pm- Omniscient disembodied announcer voice announces that the program will begin in twenty minutes

1:38 pm- Program does not begin

1:39 pm- Program continues to not begin.

1:42 pm- Granola rations are low, and Clinton is nowhere in sight. If I don't make it out alive, tell my mother I love her.

2:04 pm- Woah, steel drums playing the national anthem. It's like Francis Scott Key and Bob Marley had 20 children and forced them all to play the same instrument.

2:13 pm- Who's Eli Segal again? Oh, that guy...

2:15 pm- Americorps volunteers help Brandeis students complete their [pe] requirement with group jumping jacks.

2:24 pm- The President is coming out! Oh, it's just Jehuda...talk about blueballs.

2:29 pm- Jehuda's still talking... will he ever stop? Why did I... HOLY CRAP, IT'S HIM! BILL, I LOVE YOU! WOOO!

3:15 pm- Oh shit... I was supposed to be taking notes.

3:17 pm- Clinton's mic seems to be broken...his solution, apparently, is to endow an engineering school that, in a few short years, could train graduates to fix the problem. Man, I haven't seen a public rip that bad since that time I wore really tight shorts in gym class in 3rd grade and I had to pick up something... you know what, lets move on.

3:24 pm- Jehuda just offered him a job as President of Brandeis University! Though I know another type of job he'd like to be offered...
3:38 pm- His work done at Brandeis, Clinton waves goodbye, steps outside, opens his magical umbrella, and flies away. I'll miss you, Bill. I'll miss you.